thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
