Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
