..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
