Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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