Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's Friday. Sex?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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