youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
