you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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