I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
