Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
