I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
