Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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