we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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