Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
