the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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