He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
