apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
