I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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