forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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