I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
