when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
