the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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