Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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