No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
