dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
