fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
