Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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