It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You are a genius and a whore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
