i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
