I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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