I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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