i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
