U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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