Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
