her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
