I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
