it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
