I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
