Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
