dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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