I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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