We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
