I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
