I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
