Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
