Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
where am i from again
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Randomize
