i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
