My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
