I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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