shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
