I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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