You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
