ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
