So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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