There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
